Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
