Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
