Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
