What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
