do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
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There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
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are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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