I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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