Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
