i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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