Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
