Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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