What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
