I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
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