Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I touched a dick in church today
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
