Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
