Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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