My brain says no but my pants say off.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
