uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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