Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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