I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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