Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
