I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
