You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
