he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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