My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
