You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
