so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
