friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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