3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
