I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
