Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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