8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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