pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
