well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
