Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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