Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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