He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
