I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
