I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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