Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
