I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
