I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
