I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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