I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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