i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
