So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
