and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
