My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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