so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
