the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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