i may or may not be watching the land before time
where does the pee come out of this thing
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
