The best revenge is premature balding
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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