the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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